Lately, I’ve been reflecting on a year when I felt my happiest. I find myself in a place where I feel somewhat unsettled with my current life and long to return to what felt like my prime. I often wonder how I lost my way with those good habits and where things started to slip. It feels like the steps that led to my happiness in 2021 aren’t the same ones I can readily take in 2025, or perhaps they lack the same genuine intention. Deep down, I know how reading, affirmations, meditation, and limiting screen time significantly improved my happiness and health, yet I struggle to find the motivation to consistently re-engage with them. I find it hard to carve out time for these beneficial practices, yet I can easily lose 30 minutes scrolling through comment sections in bed. I advocate for being in nature but often struggle to leave my house for the pool or a walk—though I do enjoy sitting outside! I also find myself getting breathless on hikes and tend to stay within my comfortable bubble. My surroundings can easily become chaotic, resembling the aftermath of a tornado, leaving me feeling overwhelmed.

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However! I still hold onto the valuable practice of mindfulness and try to be gentle with myself. During that happier period, around 2021, I achieved many of my life goals. Of course, I was also only 25 then, with what felt like an endless horizon ahead. I was traveling, living my dream job, and cherished my friends and life in general. But soon after riding that wave of happiness, a spiritual reckoning of sorts hit me. I yearned for more than just a cool career and fleeting fun. I wanted to live a life that contributed to others' purpose, but I didn't foresee how lost I would become in making that leap. I truly felt like I lost my footing and veered in numerous directions after initially having such a clear vision of my goals and the desire to uplift others. What I initially saw as an exciting path has become more like a long, underprepared expedition in survival mode. My happiness waned, and that familiar anger resurfaced. I could see my life's purpose and what I wanted to achieve, but so many obstacles loomed, and it often felt like I was talking to walls, yet I persisted in trying to break them down, hoping someone would understand the driving force behind my journey. I let many of my good habits slide, often using the excuse of "business" and the relentless "grind." But the constant immersion in social media wasn’t truly benefiting my business; instead, it fueled my fears. My biggest hurdle is often myself and my fear of not being good enough or being ridiculed. I have a reluctance to post and promote myself due to the negativity online, yet I waste precious time scrolling through screens and absorbing others’ opinions instead of engaging in what I love and being outdoors. I used to proudly boast about having only two hours of screen time because I was usually outside and present or using my phone for reading articles. Now, I’m embarrassed that I’m approaching four to five hours of screen time, losing valuable time to plan and enjoy the outdoors. Owning a business/freelancing is incredibly challenging. I had some wonderful habits when I worked for a company, but the solo journey has presented a significant challenge to maintaining stability and those positive routines. I miss the self-discipline I once had and feeling more present with myself, with others, with my spirituality, and with nature.

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I write this article as an act of transparency, a reminder that I’m human. I got caught in the social media mental quicksand and found myself in a state of isolated inertia. We live in the most noisy, distraction-filled world imaginable, where everything vies for our attention and leaves us feeling drained. But if you’re also grappling with a funk, please know you’re not alone. The days keep coming, relentless in their march, and the past few years have been undeniably strange. I’ve decided to take a step back from the intense focus on Calming Captures to recenter on myself and cultivate more stability in my life. While building Calming Captures, I loved the creative process, and that's primarily what I still yearn for. I found myself overwhelmed, overlooking the actual business aspects and the necessary self-promotion. I still deeply desire to pursue my art and have big dreams, but I'm also ready to work and feel that sense of stability again. I miss the synergy of creative teamwork and collaboration. I thrived as a producer, crafting stories with diverse creatives or giving back to the community by creatively amplifying their narratives. I’m excited to be attending the Outside Summit in Colorado, hoping to forge new connections and perhaps find some career opportunities! I’ll be sharing the message of Calming Captures with like-minded outdoor enthusiasts and hoping to secure writing and photography contracts! But overall, I’m really hoping for the fresh start I’ve been seeking: to regain my self-reliance, get back on my feet, and focus on my well-being so I can continue pursuing my purpose of sharing my love for the beauty of nature.

I will continue my Substack because I genuinely love writing and sharing my photography, but I may shift to every other Friday for the free subscription plan. For my paid subscribers, I’ll be developing a more robust tier with enhanced content. Thank you all for reading and being a part of this journey with me. Wish me luck in Colorado!

Peace & Love, Erica 💜

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